While everyone has their own reasons for coming to Japan, a fair number of foreigners come here to teach English. In recent years there has been a shift from roughly equal numbers of men and women to more female instructors — though this statistic varies by prefecture and urban versus rural areas.
Culture shock: The reality of foreign women in Japan
Regardless of where they end up, these young women likely have never lived in Japan before.
They've spent their entire lives overseas and grew up knowing what it means (good and bad) to be a woman in their given culture. They know who they are, they are ready to experience Japan and are excited about this new chapter in their lives.
Then they come to Japan and culture shock strikes. While men also experience culture shock, the differences between what the genders go through is dramatic.
The experiences shared in this article come from foreign women living in Japan. To protect their privacy, some have chosen to speak anonymously and their identities have been omitted or generalized.
- "You go from being a second class citizen for being a woman, to being a third class citizen for being noticeably foreign and a woman." (Caucasian American, 29)
- "I survived in Japan for two years. I felt like I was drowning and no one gave a damn until I had a mental breakdown. Then I was some foreign woman causing trouble for a poor Japanese company. F*** that place" (Asian Australian, 41).
One consistent issue that women (of various ages, ethnicities and religious beliefs) have experienced is feeling like they aren't allowed to be themselves when living in Japan.
Rather, they feel that how they view and live their lives as women is somehow "less feminine than" the lives of their Japanese counterparts.
Not ‘feminine enough’? The struggle with identity
I've been acquainted with about 200 women during my time in Japan, and everyone, including myself, has gone through a period where they felt that they weren't seen as being "feminine enough" by Japanese standards. Some of us take it in stride, some don't care to begin with, but the majority of my peers felt it impacted their self-image. This often leaves women struggling to balance their identity with what society around them is telling them to be.
A female Japanese marketing consultant who wished to remain anonymous told me: "Basically, Japanese women are told they need to look young, sexless and neutral. They need to have hobbies, but nothing too extreme or time-consuming. Actually, that's a big part of it. You can't be or like anything too much because that's not feminine of you."
Some that grew up with boomer parents might understand (though not accept) that way of thinking — but younger generations may not. While it depends on a variety of factors, women born in the 90s and onward have been given more freedom to pursue activities beyond stereotypical gender roles.
They expect the world to follow those rules as well, for better or for worse.
Workplace pressures: Fitting the mold in Japan
Unfortunately, that's not at all what happens to many upon entering the workforce in Japan.
- "I used to wear skirts and pants equally at work. After about a year or so in Japan, I was only wearing dresses and skirts all of the time, [and] not just at the office. I only realized that when I was packing for a trip abroad. It wasn't until I started dressing more like the other women in my office at [a Japanese company] that I was seen as a woman. I was just [...], the foreigner, before that." (Caucasian British, 26)
Even women from more traditional backgrounds who come to Japan end up subjected to this pressure to conform.
- "I'm a hijabi. I dress modestly, and I came to Japan with my husband. A number of times I was told by my Japanese coworkers that I should wear more delicate colors or dresses that were 'more girly' because I hide my figure and that wasn't acceptable? But another coworker who dressed like they said was told to tone it down and cover up more because she looked 'trashy.'" (Muslim American, 31)
Of course, it's easy to just tell women "don't listen to what they're saying" or "no one's telling you you have to change."
That's a cop out. They are being told to change both in overt and subtle ways, and that can eat away at a person over time.
Staying true to your identity in Japan
Life in Japan isn't easy, and if you struggle with your mental health in any regard, sometimes it can be or feel like it's too much. The only thing you can do is protect yourself. This advice from a friend seems to help:
- "I like who I am, but I have to fight every day to keep my identity. I have lost friendships and relationships because I refused to kowtow to some outdated opinions on what kind of woman I am — and that's from old white, Indian and Japanese guys alike. They've all got their opinions, but their opinions don't define me. That's what you need to remember most." (Indian Australian, 30)
If you are struggling with your identity in any way while living in Japan, talk to people you know and trust about how you feel. Or if you aren't comfortable with that, talking it over with someone on TELL's Lifeline might help. So can taking a look at their online resources, too.
The best thing you can do is remember that you're your own person and how you define yourself is what really counts. Be who you are — and don't let anyone else diminish that.
© Japan Today
31 Comments
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Geeter Mckluskie
Yes...you most likely were
Geeter Mckluskie
Sounds more like a "woman" thing
Geeter Mckluskie
Calling BS on this..."anonymous" piffle
Negative Nancy
No sympathy at all. Coming to a foreign country and expecting everything to be just the way they want it to be. If you make an effort to fit in, you will fit in. If you go out of your way to be difficult all the time, then you eventually become seen as a troublemaker.
I know many women who are long-term residents here who have settled in, made good friends and become successful here. They have done so by learningt he language and respecting the culture.
K3PO
And the Japanese aren't permitted to be themselves either.
It's not personal.
Abe234
I think a lot of the western women thing is them comparing themselves to women who actually take pride in their appearance. The extreme cute culture and then there are the BIG women who come here and realize they aren’t a medium size but a +++++ size. I do t think it’s the japnese culture themselves, it’s the women who think THERE cultural beliefs and values must be applied here.
If your coming here to escape from your own place, then your off to a bad start. You get off the boat, you can’t read a McDonald’s menu,, and maybe you can’t speak the language, and you understand what’s going on. That’s not an easy situation for male or female.
Although I’d love to know what kind of job they’re doing but your working a for a company with a dress code. If you don’t like, then please move on. Not everyone has to be covered in tattoos, pierced, with ripped clothes, and then think Japan should be thankful. We all have to give and take.
girl_in_tokyo
Negative NancyToday 08:17 am JST
What about this article made you think that the women aren't trying to fit in? It is clear that they are sacrificing their entire identifies in order to fit in.
I'm a long term resident who has settled in, made friends, learned the language, have a successful career at a Japanese company - but I didn't do it by sacrificing my identity and trying to emulate Japanese women. I did it by being myself and then looking for, and finally finding, a niche where I fit in as the person I already was. And that was not easy, but it was well worth the effort.
This comment denigrates women as a whole because we are not "being difficult" just by being ourselves, and that includes the Japanese women who themselves go against the grain of their own society and who don't care to fit the mold carved out for them.
V Campbell
"You go from being a second class citizen for being a woman, to being a third class citizen for being noticeably foreign and a woman." (Caucasian American, 29)" Not everybody has to treat you the way that you demand...especially since it is THEIR country, not yours. Do you understand that different countries have different cultures?
kohakuebisu
Diversity cuts both ways. It is both "recognize me and how I'm different" and "I'll recognize all of you and how you're different".
The article doesn't specifically mention it, but it should be obvious that being among petite women (and men) could cause self-confidence issues for physically larger western women in Japan. Just as being short and skinny can cause inadequancy issues for young men in Western countries. It can be pretty bad being a man too. Or modern Korean beauty standards causing Korean women to turn to plastic surgery and huge spends on makeup. Since modern consumer society runs on people buying goods and services, the message it tells people is "you need this to make yourself better". It does not want people to have self-esteem, because those who do are less likely to buy things.
mountainpear
When they refer to 'Japanese co-workers' commenting on appearance, it's usually the female co-workers.
mountainpear
Nowhere in the article are tattoos and ripped clothes mentioned. Please don't insult people's intelligence.
Negative Nancy
Well done for settling in and making yourself a success. Its not easy to do so, and I'm glad you've found happiness here. It does indeed take sacrifice, and that's not something that is unique to women either. If you don't cut the mustard in the professional realm, including adhering to the rules and atmosphere of the workplace, then you will not thrive. I don't think that is unique to Japan, either. As for the social situation, the same applies- you have to do things as they are done by those around you. You might be accustomed to dressing or behaving differently, but that's not personality, that's personal habit. If your entire personality is being sacrificed, maybe you're in the wrong place?
Negative Nancy
Perhaps there's a reason why we gender the phrase 'man-up'.
Marie
Would love to treat the lovely moderators to a pint.
nero
The fact is: You will never be Japanese
blackpassenger
Western women complain if they get called to on the streets in the west, and if they get ignored on the streets in Japan.どっちやねん？what do u want?
virusrex
Nothing in the article make this an argument, the actual think that is expected is for society to be as itself say it should be. As long as gender equality, etc. are promoted as desirable things that means the people are complaining about problems that the Japanese society say should be solved.
Just the way the country society says it should treat everybody, without gender inequality. There is nothing wrong with complaining when that is not the case.
Not applicable when those things are being openly considered negative and a problem, in that case the person is perfectly justified in calling out the people that still behave in this way.
Prejudice and sexism are well known reasons.
False dichotomy, it is not like women have to choose only between being catcalled on the street or being completely ignored. Being recognized as a person, as a woman, in no way requires catcalls to be done.
Negative Nancy
Vocal minority vs. silent majority. Society only changes if it wants to. When the majority of people see no reason for changes, it won't happen. Perhaps you'd feel more accepted elsewhere, where your standards prevail?
Speed
I do think more foreign women than men have difficulty acclimating to the Japanese workplace.
At two different companies I worked at, I've had two female co-workers basically become recluses for a year or two and then left bitter. Another one had a nervous breakdown. I've never met any foreign men here go through those things.
As for "not being feminine enough," before the late 70s, many US women were more feminine (less assertive or openly opinionated). Women commonly wore dresses at work and exuded more modesty similar to Japanese women in the workplace.
After the women's lib movement empowered and changed the mindset of many women, a noticeable gap between occured between these two countries since it's never gained traction here in Japan.
Blacklabel
well, yeah.
by other jealous women, I’m sure.
virusrex
The US has a big problem with gender equality, it is perfectly normal that a woman can feel as a second class citizen
https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20230927-the-worlds-most-gender-equal-countries
What evidence do you have that contradicts this?
The Japanese people do aim to change, or at least that is what is openly recognized by the government as a goal, with this she is much more helpful than people that just say she (and everybody else) should just let things remain medieval for convenience.
And that is undesirable.
In a full society that treats this as normal when it has zero justification.
Blacklabel
A society doesn’t need to justify itself to those not part of their society.
want to be seen as a woman? Dress as a woman and act as a woman.
You don’t see a firefighter dressed as a baseball player complaining why no one knows they are a firefighter.
falseflagsteve
Women from first world nations moving to another first world nation and still playing the victims.
Japanese women tend to be smaller and thinner than Western women, these women that came here didn’t know that beforehand?
From the testimonies of these foreign women I would conclude that they are either potty or fibbers, quite likely both.
Jay
Completely wrong yet again. The United States ranks among the HIGHEST in the world for women's economic and political empowerment, with women OUTPACING men in higher education and increasingly dominating professional fields. Women have FULL legal rights, protection from discrimination, and access to leadership positions - including the former Vice President of the country. If someone in the U.S. feels like a second-class citizen despite these facts, that’s a PERSONAL perception issue, not an actual systemic reality.
falseflagsteve
Jimizo
No evidence to prove they are telling the truth. Some evidence that they are potty if they move to Japan for employment and don’t even realise women are smaller and thinner and the expect the same work environment as I know West. Guess they could just be thick.
quercetum
Chinese, American, British and European women are adults. Many Koreans (Oppa!) and Taiwanese (Ni hao fan oh!) are like adolescents prancing around as long as they can until marriage or until they turn 45.
The job of women in Japan is to be feminine, look pretty, nod supportively to statements made by their bosses (male) and to tilt their heads and say they’re not sure when they strongly disagree.
If you happen to be cute with a high voice, you can become the sakura of the office and do more idol gestures and smiles.
Point, look surprised, pretend you’re offended, say “Hidoi” often, purse your lips, puff out your cheeks and tilt your head some more to show more endearing expressions that’s all a part of a common repertoire catered to perverts. Dont forget to make sure your bangs are straight.
It’s not all about outward appearances though. What’s inside also matters: your underwear needs to be white, the color preferred by Japanese men still locked in on their first love back in their nostalgic days of navy sailor junior high school uniforms and skirts lifted by gusts of strong wind scattering cherry blossoms in spring .
virusrex
As easily proved this is based on clear discrimination, not playing the victims but being victims, just because nameless people on the internet say their complains are not true that does not make it so.
No reference that refutes the one I already put in my comment, this means it is still valid and clearly proves the US is in a very poor place on gender equality, specially compared with developed nations.
virusrex
The article clearly talks about members of that society, it is also important that the society explicitly says it is aiming for gender equality, so the society itself is the one that says this is a problem.
Lord Dartmouth
Living abroad is never easy. Life is not easy to start off with.
girl_in_tokyo
Every woman is "feminine enough" because no one gets to tell women how feminine she should or should not be. We get to chose for ourselves according to what makes us happiest. The question is both sexist and the entire discussion where a bunch of men are standing around talking about what women should or should not do is misogynistic and stupid.
Nunya Business
This article can explain more: https://joyn.tokyo/about-japan/society/womens-rights-in-japan/