The Japan Family Planning Association reported in 2024 that roughly half of all marriages in Japan are sexless. Participants surveyed cited long work hours, childrearing and a sense that married sex is plain old mendokusai (bothersome) as reasons for giving up on getting busy. But does this trend hold true even in international relationships? And what can you do to bring back intimacy if the sex has stopped in your own marriage?
Sexless Marriages in Japan
A 2024 survey by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFA) found that nearly half of married individuals (48.3%) aged 16–49 reported being in sexless relationships — defined as having sex less than once a month. This is up from 31.9% in 2004, showing a steady decline in marital intimacy in Japan.
While 80% of Japanese men expressed interest in sex, 40% of women said they weren’t interested at all. The reasons for sexlessness also differed:
- For men, the top complaint (24%) was a disinterested partner.
- For women, 22.6% said sex was simply “too much hassle”—nearly double the percentage of men (12%) who felt the same.
A side-effect is infidelity. Modern-day cheating culture in Japan is complex, but tacit approval of discreet extramarital affairs is not uncommon. In other countries, adultery is often a death sentence for a marriage. In Japan, it may just be one more outlet that allows couples to hold a family together.
Why Don’t Japanese Women Want Sex?
Of course, every relationship is different, but there’s no denying that sexless marriages are a widespread issue in Japan. Many foreign men struggle to understand why their once-affectionate partners seem to shut down after marriage or kids. Is it a cultural difference? A biological factor? Or is it just an unfortunate side effect of modern life?
Work-Life (Or Lack Thereof) Balance
Japan’s brutal work culture doesn’t just affect salarymen—it’s exhausting for women, too. Many wives work full-time jobs, only to come home and take on the bulk of household chores as well. Research shows that Japanese men contribute less to housework than their counterparts in Western countries, leaving many wives feeling overworked and underappreciated. In fact, the OECD found that Japanese men do the lowest proportion of household chores of all nations surveyed.
So when bedtime rolls around, intimacy isn’t exactly a priority. If a woman is already exhausted, the idea of sex can feel like just another chore on the list.
Motherhood Changes Everything
If marriage slows down sex, having kids can bring it to a screeching halt. In Japan, young children often co-sleep with their parents for years, making privacy almost impossible. Add to that small apartments with thin walls, and finding time for intimacy becomes a logistical nightmare. Moreover, childcare is another area in which working Japanese women frequently do more than their fair share.
But it’s not just a space issue — it’s a mindset shift. Many Japanese couples stop seeing each other as romantic partners after kids enter the picture. Spouses start referring to each other as “otosan” (dad) and “okaasan” (mom), reinforcing the idea that their relationship has evolved into something purely parental. For many foreign husbands, this cultural shift can be a shock.
International Marriages and Sex in Japan
This can be a shock for foreigners starting a family in Japan. While most expect intimacy to take a hit with young children, they also assume it will return over time. But for many Japanese couples, once you become “mama” or “papa,” the romantic spark is gone for good — leaving some foreign spouses facing an unexpected and frustrating reality.
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44 Comments
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Yrral
Maybe they should try an exotic sex position
tamanegi
Chotto...You want JT readers to do something about sexless Japanese couples?
Vincent Ricci
Maybe these foreigners should try not to marry the first girl they meet just to get a visa and wait for the real true love of their life, even if she’s not Japanese.
Vanillasludge
As was explained to me quite pointedly 30 years ago, coming home half drunk and smelling like beer is not a turn on.
Jay
This will probably be one of the most downvoted posts I've ever written, but luckily this isn't a popularity contest - it's about saying what needs to be said.
One reason so many men (foreign included) complain about their sexless marriages in Japan is that they've completely let themselves go. The majority blokes I hear whining about their Japanese wives not wanting intimacy, are fat, out of shape, and generally unappealing. If you rarely or ever sleep with your wife/significant other and fit into this category, be completely honest with yourself: if you were a woman, would you want to sleep with you?
The unpopular but true fact of the matter is attraction is about maintaining physical and emotional desirability. Any bloke blaming their wives should hit the gym, eat better, and get your act together around the house. Confidence, physical presence, and effort go a long way in maintaining attraction, but too many blokes think marriage means they can just stop trying. Do better fellas!
BigP
Tell me about it!!
Meiyouwenti
Most wild animals die once they are past their reproductive age. Humans are animals too. Don’t expect passionate sex of your partner after you’ve had a child or two.
Kaowaiinekochanknaw
I think the real answer is that there is still a lot of sex going on with married people in Japan.
It's just not with their spouse.
diobrando
Two words: real communication.
runner3
My friend warned me about Japanese woman. I wish I had listened.
kohakuebisu
I believe this problem is at least 40% but probably below 50% with women. The article just blames the husband for being insensitive or unloving, presumably without talking to any husbands. When I came to Japan, I taught English conversation, spoke to many women, and got a very bad impression of Japanese men. Having lived in Japan for ages, I now many Japanese men as victims.
There is definitely a cultural aspect to this, because Westerners are encouraged to see sexlessness as a problem. Hold hands with your wife in Japan and people will comment on it.
My Japanese brother in law married a Filipina and it is funny to see how intimate she is with him here in Japan. They have a five year old but it doesn't stop her being very lovey-dovey. They can barely speak to each other in very broken English, so it is not "fantastic communication", him "being sensitive to her needs", or anything like the advice in this story. He is also little different to other Japanese men, who many Japanese women find physically abhorrent once they are married to one.
theFu
My wife tells me the sexiest things I do are to wash the dishes, take out the garbage and keep the car fueled.
She's smarter and really funny. That's always a huge attraction.
When we were dating, we both agreed that sex at least weekly was important. Physical intimacy is part of emotional intimacy.
Maybe we are lucky, but we've never run out of things to talk to each other about. We do enough new experiences together so we never get bored. Some of the things she says are so funny, I can't imagine life without her.
carp_boya
Wake up at 5:30, get ready for work, get your kids ready for school, the go to work. Finish work at 6pm, pick up the kids, get them home a little before 7. Prepare dinner, get the kids ready for bed, put the kids to bed around 9:00, fall asleep with them. Wake up at 10pm, clean up the kitchen, fold laundry, get the kids’ school bags packed for the next day. It’s now 11pm. Only 6.5 hours for sleep.
As a parent of just two kids, it’s hard to find the time or energy for sex. And after doing this for so many years, couples probably just grow apart physically even if they remain committed emotionally.
Mocheake
That's just Japan. It goes hand in hand with the endless weirdness here. As one poster said about Filipinas, you'll find that some of the other Asian ethnic groups are warmer and have more interaction with each other. Thais, Taiwanese and Singaporeans come to mind. Even when I go back to America and I see or interact with a Japanese woman, they are generally more cold and standoffish. It's part of the ingrained culture they are brought up with from childhood and it plays out in marriage also. The large amount of things done to keep the sexes separate don't help either. Women-only trips, tours and cafes, onsens, etc only reinforce the separation of the sexes. You watch TV and see an ad for Disneyland or for day trips and it shows two or three women going together, no men in sight.
So, you think the wives all keep looking gorgeous and wanting sex but they are turned off because the men are out of shape? The guys I know would beg to differ. Hormones factor into a lot of what goes on on both sides of the equation but way more strongly on the woman's side.
dan
Get a divorce!!! Simple !
I'veSeenFootage
People in sexless marriages probably didn't really have a completely happy and fulfilling sex life with their partner before they got married either. So of course daily routines, kids, work and all of the rest will then get in the way and make it even worse. I know a lot of Japanese unmarried couples who already have close to nonexistent sex lives. There are a lot of factors at play here, but I would say the two main ones might be a lack of proper communication and the general disinterest in japanese men for women's pleasure. The vast availability of sex services for these men doesn't help either.
Jay
Fair point - hormones can play a role, especially for women, and it's not completely about looks. But we have to be real: attraction isn't a one-way street. If someone has let themself go, barely engages with his partner outside of household logistics, and puts in zero effort to be attractive, is it any surprise the other half is not interested?
Speaking from experience, a lot of these blokes complaining about being sexless sit around looking like a deflated beanbag. Effort, self-care and self-respect go a long way.
GuruMick
Jay...fatties have needs too !
I think whatever hormone drives desire is absent in Japanese women ...men too probably.
Hormones...cant live with them, cant live without them
Jay
Sure Mick, fatties have needs - one of them being the need to not ignore basic biology and believe they're irresistible while they waddle around in stained sweatpants.
grund
I feel like Japanese couple with children don't take time to go out and do things as a couple as much as they do in other countries. Back home couples leave the kids at their grandparents or get a babysitter, but I don't think Japanese people do that as much. And if you don't do things as a couple it is hard to keep the flame burning.
itsonlyrocknroll
Are they? Are you sure?
My J Grandmother, suggested otherwise, I looked after J Grandma during the pandemic, we never got on, we argued every chance we got. Politics, my catholic faith, yet we gelled, her memoirs reduced me to tears .
Grandma was a passionate soul, discreet, yet a bullet proof matriarch. A book with many covers.
Japan's economy, its government is dropping the ball, boy girl relationship that have led to matrimony are stuttering.
I suggest women of Japan want more equality in a shared loving relationship.
kohakuebisu
The US, with its huge overweight and obesity problems, is very good at keeping the action going in the matrimonial bedroom. That's lots of people riding the ripples and not counting their partner's carbs.
I also read somewhere that the men in Japan who get the most marital sex do the least housework. This contradicts the story, which leans very heavily on mainstream Western feminism, the dull middle-class stuff ("how many women are CEOs?" "Isn't Michelle Obama wonderful!" etc) with all the 1970s or earlier radicalism stripped out.
I'veSeenFootage
Oh yeah, we all know nothing turns on a woman more than... a man not helping around the house at all. They go wild for those types.
Cfields
This explains why the birth rate in Japan has been in decline. Less future workers, inventors and contributors to society. Perhaps Japan will recognise this and Invest wisely with incentives for Couples with children and their extended families. Aunties and grannies can have the kids for a long weekend while parents go to an intimate getaway. Incentives can be vouchers and discounts for participating or some other motivation. Bring pride and recognition to the families for their efforts.
Blacklabel
The people aren’t sexless, just the marriage.
Jonathan Prin
I have some experience on the subject...
While sexual feminism (thinking women shall always all decide) has like all other western countries taken its heavy toll to demography, it is worse in Japan because life is so socially managed that it excludes show of love or affection as acceptable.
You see it all the time on TV but in true life, it is seen as despicable by others. Men and women kissing, holding hands, or changing partner out of love is purely considered evil as for married people. It is reinforced for some men/women by lack of energy at end of the day because of work over family but it is not the root cause in itself.
I remember my Japanese soon-to-be brother in law who already married at that time with 3 kids, telling me after seeing me kissing my Japanese love : how do you do that (in public) ?
I replied : just love, forget all the rest. But he never could, and nevzr will and Iknow he has been in sexless life at that time already...he was and is still very clean on him and handsome enough for your information.
Hope it helps future couples to remember that love is all and shall supersedes the rest.
proxy
Forget "intimacy." These men need to learn how to give her the goods. The dopamine and oxytocin released into her brain when she orgasms is addictive, she will always come back for more if she is satisfied.
Sexless marriages are never a problem for people who do it right and receive the dopamine hit.
Old Sausage
Behind sexless marriages, countless reasons go far deeper than the ones mentioned above.
As a biologist and neurologist, I could list numerous factors contributing to this behavior in humans—ranging from climate change to diet, from genetic mutations adapting to the environment to psychological influences.
The landscape of sexless marriages is infinitely complex when examined with sufficient data and information.
In short, Mother Nature constantly adapts to circumstances to maintain a balance beyond the grasp of our limited minds.
Daninthepan
You don't feed a fish, once it's caugt.
Seigi
There is really no need to have sex with the wife if there are professionals out there who can handle that job! It's Japan, after all...
As for the wives, one can't really blame them if they lose appetite for sex. Usually it is the husband who changes first. The once "cool" ikemen guy that they married suddenly become annoying and lack sense of appreciation towards their wife. Physical changes are not that much of a factor why wives lose interest in their husbands. It is more about emotion, and when the wife doesn't "connect", then it's the end.
Fresh Prince of Japan
You hit the point. You hit a very sensitive point of many foreigners in Japan (and, indeed, you are getting many downvotes).
It is true. Too many foreigners in Japan love Japan because it is the homeland of anime/manga, and just want a Japanese girl for a visa. When I attended the Japanese language school, and during my working life, I met a lot of such time of men, who decided to marry a Japanese girl after a few days.
proxy
Try priming the pump, let her know in the morning that you have something for her "tonight with a wink. It gives her time to put it in her busy schedule and something to look forward to.
There must be 50 ways...... no need to be coy, Roy.
Don't try to be spontaneous with a working mom who manages the household in her free time.
Mocheake
Lots of arguments on many sides. Here's another penny onto my two cents: Japan is one of the least naturally energetic places I've been. That goes for sexually and otherwise. You can feel the energy in places like the Philippines, Thailand, Brazil, Singapore and the Caribbean. Almost non-existent here.
Luis
lack of libido and / or plenty of masturbation .
girl_in_tokyo
Well, what do you expect when so many men don't know how to find "the man in the boat", and even when they do manage to find him, either have no idea what to do with him or don't care enough to even try. So really: it any wonder if women get bored and don't want sex any longer?
TaiwanIsNotChina
What does that tell you when women are incapable of describing what they need done?
Pizza Gaijin
There are many reasons, but the main one, let’s be honest, is because life in Japan sucks concerning society and work-life balance. As pointed out by another commenter, it is hard to feel the energy of life in Japan when you work and have a family. The majority of working Japanese (both men and women) are stressed, and near the burn-out point, many housewives are bored and mainly focused on their “to kill time activities” and 女子会. People in Japan are simply too bored and not interested in anything in their (few) free time. Indeed, as reported also in past Japan Today articles, Japanese are not interested in dating or sex. I was surprised, during my first years in Japan, by the number of married couples inside the same workplace. Colleagues get married because it is expected by society, but they do not have time or interest in finding a partner, so they wed co-workers.
Japan is funny for Japanese when they are university students (since up to the university admission exams it is hell with competition and juku). Japan is funny when you are a foreign student. After the start of working life, the quality of life dramatically falls.
Yes, there are also lucky ones (such as foreigners working in a foreign company who experience a more relaxed working environment and rules), but most of the others are gloomy and stressed and just not interested in anything when at home.
Bob Fosse
Are you referring to the male or female mammal species? Latest research finds that actually males mammals are generally smaller than females. Basic Biology.
wanderlust
The bubble-era urban legends of the husband about to leave on his business trip, and his wife discretely slips a packet of condoms between his neatly ironed shirts in his travel bag, just in case!
OriginalOne
Misleading headline HA! I thought the article was going to show “…what you can do about it” by sharing a hidden pipeline of lonely housewives seeking very willing “outlets” like myself!
GuruMick
Speaking of the "man in the boat "...remember the female Japanese "artist " who created a "canoe " by using the shape of her lady parts, , a computer downloadable format and was arrested by Japanese Police for "obscenity "
I thought she was quite brilliant actually.
Canoe too small for fishing though
girl_in_tokyo
TaiwanIsNotChinaFeb. 13 04:53 pm JST
Ah, I see. So you're telling us you are incapable of asking questions, looking up information online, and have no idea about female sexual pleasure from past relationships, so you just don't try.
I'veSeenFootage
Poster dunk. Best post I've seen here in weeks :D
Aaron J
Japan needs less cheating and more divorce. My experience has mostly been couples getting married for the sake of Marriage. This means sex for the sake of marrying. Of course it disappears.